| n.
m. kelby
A word of fair warning:
I have killed a man with
my cooking. Yes, it’s true. I know that’s not
a nice thing to say at the beginning of a cookbook, but since
I don’t have a restaurant it’s my most impressive
cooking credential.
I once made a cheesecake for a man. He ate
the entire thing. Then died.
I have other credentials including the fact
that I’ve spent over a decade as a food critic and have
written two other cookbooks, as work-for-hire projects. I
certainly know my way around a kitchen. I have entertained
Nobel laureates, and other fancy writers. Of course, a lot
of cookbook authors can say those sorts of things. Not many
can say they killed a guy.
I believe this ‘guy killing thing’
makes me an authority on food. When I make a Death by Chocolate
Cheesecake, I know what I’m talking about.
I also know a lot about what I call new-styled
Florida cuisine. The primary thing I can say about this genre
of cooking is that it’s your fault. If you all didn’t
visit us, and find us so doggone charming, we would never
be making you things like ‘Fancy Girl Mango Soup’
and ‘Gary the Shrimp Guy’s Shrimp and Grits.’
It just wouldn’t happen. It’s
too hot. Most of the time, food is an afterthought.
We do this because we want you to like us.
This is the South. You are our visitors. It is our habit to
make visitors feel at home. This book is a collection of fancy
home recipes that you can whip up while wearing your swimsuit.
They are designed to make your unexpected guests feel at home
while they park themselves on your fold out couch until spring.
Most my recipes are not strictly Southern.
We at the house like to mix it up. We use Caribbean influences
because we have mangos, bananas, and papayas in our front
yard. We don’t want them to go to waste. We also try
to provide low-fat and vegetarian options for some of the
dishes. As I said earlier, I killed a guy with a cheesecake–I
think this pretty much explains my fear of saturated fats.
I’m enclosing my recipe for Shrimp
and Grits because even though I don’t know you, I love
you. That’s the way it is in Florida. And I want you
to love me back.
And, if you like it, I have a lot more.
But that will cost you.
Gary the Shrimp Guy’s Shrimp
and Grits
There are plenty of versions of Shrimp and
Grits being served in the South. In Key West at Louie’s
Backyard (the former hang out of Jimmy Buffet) they serve
a wondrous bowlful made with real stone ground grits. In Oxford,
Mississippi, the Shrimp and Grits at City Grocery are so rich
that they will make you weep. Well, they made me weep. Okay,
maybe it was crocodile tears; I’ll do anything for a
good recipe. Still, it worked. Once our waiter informed the
chef that the food was so good that one woman was blubbering
away, the chef came out to meet me with a recipe in one hand,
and tissues in the other.
Works every time.
My version of this traditional dish from
South Carolina’s Low Country could not have come into
being without Gary the Shrimp Guy. I just love him.
Early every Saturday morning my hardworking
staff (AKA Husband Steve), my beloved dogs, and I climb into
the convertible and wind our way through sleepy Sarasota to
the local farmer’s market to see Gary. He is a man worth
being seen. Gary is a dog lover, an excellent fishmonger,
a good egg, and a lover of all things Floridian including
Key West and his wife Maggie’s cooking.
Gary is an honorable guy, and you don’t
see a lot of honorable guys these days. If we were in King
Arthur’s times, he’d be a knight. And even though
he’d be sweating from all that armor, he’d wear
his knighthood proudly because he takes pride in everything
he does. He guarantees his fish to be fresh. His Cedar Key
clams to be flawless. And they are. Always.
An honest fishmonger is an unsung hero.
So, in honor of Gary’s dignity, general
trustworthiness, and devotion to his wife Maggie and all things
that are Maggie (and, by the way, she is a good-looking woman
so he is a very lucky dog), we have named this dish after
him.
The Recipe:
First make the grits. One technical note:
if you’re going to use instant grits, then you should
plan to make them and set them outside on a dinner plate to
cool. Don’t cover the plate. Just lay it on the sidewalk
in front of your house. Yes, the bugs will crawl all over
them. That’s the point. Instant grits are for camping.
If you don’t add the bugs, they have no texture at all.
On the other hand, stone ground grits are
designed to be eaten while sitting around a table swilling
watermelon margaritas and arguing about the state of football
in the South, or if there will ever been another Faulkner.
Traditional grits are actually easy to make. Best of all,
they taste like you care, and are usually served without bugs.
1 ½ cups of stone ground grits.
3 ¼ cup of milk (If you want these
to be really rich, replace one cup of the milk with one cup
of cream. You can also use skim milk if you want to lower
the fat.)
3 ¼ cup of water
2 teaspoons salt
2 cups of sharp cheddar (I like the Cabot’s
chipotle cheddar from Vermont. It’s not too hot, but
has a great smoky taste.)
½ teaspoon of cayenne.
Mix milk, cream, water, salt and grits in
a heavy-bottomed pan. Give your child a buck to stir the pot
for about 45 minutes, or until the grits have become a soft
thick sea of goodness. Stir in cheese and cayenne.
When the grits are nearly done, you need
to begin making the shrimp. You’ll need:
2 tablespoons of unsalted butter and 2 tablespoons
of olive oil melted in a large pan.
3 well-cleaned leeks
2 pounds of Gary the Shrimp Guy’s
jumbo shrimp that have been shelled and cleaned. (They are
the size of a baby’s fist, and twice as sweet. If you
don’t have your own Gary, 2 pounds of cleaned frozen
shrimp will do.)
1 cup of pancetta, or thick bacon, fried
with fat removed. (Optional.)
¼ cup of lemon juice
¼ cup of parsley (or basil, if you’re
feeling like a Fancy Girl.)
Tabasco to taste.
½ cup of melted unsalted butter
If you want to add meat, cook the
bacon product. Drain well. Soften the leeks in butter and
olive oil mixture (about 5 minutes) and toss in shrimp. When
the shrimp turn pink, add bacon, lemon juice and basil and
bring to a boil. Add ½ cup of melted butter. Add Tabasco
to taste. If you omit the bacon, use Tabasco’s chipolte
sauce, which adds a nice smoky flavor. Serve over fresh grits.
Enjoy!
Read
N. M. Kelby's work in the latest issue. Subscribe today.
is the author of three novels, Whale Season, Theatre of
the Stars, and In the Company of Angels. Short
stories have appeared in Zoetrope, One Story, The Mississippi
Review, and other journals.
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